The Buffet


“Nigeria is a poultry. The masses are the hens, the government is the farmer. And we are all waiting for christmas.”

– Adeosun Adams Mercy

It was the eve of the presidential election, the night the General was declared winner. We were at Aso Rock, eating meat and dancing reggae. It was a buffet.  Continue reading

A dress to have

Dissociative Identity Disorder_1

Inside the questioning room, wrists cuffed to the table, I listen to the two detectives on the other side of the glass divide until a female voice joins in. Gbemi. The one I have been waiting for.

“Aren’t we just a terrible bunch? She says. “So we arrested a lady just because we found a few other ladies chilling in her basement?”

They laugh, and when I laugh too, they stare in at me. I wink at them. I see their growing confusion; I shouldn’t be seeing or hearing them through the soundproof partition.

“I’ll speak to her.” I say aloud, relishing the shock on their faces. Continue reading

Baby Swap

There was no one in sight. From the hospital gate right to the wards.

“Hello” I shouted. I felt a chill as the echo returned.

Empty hospital beds, no nurses, no patients, why the hell was the hospital open. I was contemplating going to another hospital when I heard a baby’s cry. I traced the sound. Alone in the maternity ward was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.

I sat by the bed and sang to the baby.

“Soft kitty,

Warm kitty,

Little ball of fur.

Happy kitty,

Sleepy kitty,

Purr Purr Purr”

I had learnt it from the ‘Big bang’ series but it was lovely enough and made the baby smile.

Two hours passed and I was still there. Engulfed in the ambience of the baby’s beauty and innocence.

Five hours passed. Six. Seven. My wife called but I didn’t pick up. Nothing else in the world was important.

Suddenly, the baby held my thumb and next thing, I was on the bed, watching a man in a black suit walk away with a grin. I couldn’t move. I tried to scream but only baby noises emanated my mouth.

I was there. Days and night. I couldn’t tell how long I waited.

One fateful day, I heard footsteps and then a “Is anybody here?” I cried out loudly immediately.

I watched a young lady walk up to me. “What a pity” I thought “This fine girl will have to be stuck here for a good while”

Real Threat

I decided yesterday’s death threat was a prank.
Got home late from work today and there’s a note on the table.

Am a rose
Right, left, center
Behind and in front
You read the first words”

I read the first words: I. AM. RIGHT. BEHIND. YOU.
Immediately, the lights go out…


  • Joe Aito